The Cheerleaders of Monday Mornings

#34 A secret spy camera reveals how our house and its furniture loves to see us go out for work on Monday mornings

Our house and its furniture loves Monday mornings. After the weekend, as people take off to their workplaces, the house is empty. Now the romantics will talk about how the house might miss the family. The emptiness is a metaphor of their feelings. But can we really be sure of that? Who’s to say they are not relieved? Who’s to say Monday morning is not the time for them to let their hair down and unwind? After all, weekends are grueling for them.

Saturdays & Sundays are the toughest two days for a house-

- The couch usage is over-indexed. And that is an understatement.

- The television gets a headache with all the binge watching. They operate round the clock, without even a lunch break. They certainly need a Union.

- The ‘Aaj kuch special khaate hain’ syndrome on weekends leads to the most ambitious kitchen projects and that means a gym day for all the utensils and the stove.

- The Air Conditioner. Sigh. Poor soul. If one could decipher its language, we may hear curses amidst the cool gush.

Hosting the family over the weekend also means hosting their whims, tantrums and insecurities. And the worst part : to witness their Sunday evening misery. It’s the same episode every time- rinse and repeat. They want to drown in denial. They act shocked as to how fast the weekend has passed by, they dread Monday morning. All the binge watching of ‘productivity hack’ videos has failed to address this core concern. And the house has to witness it, every time. It’s like traveling on a flight with a howling child on the next seat.

But have we ever considered the fact that maybe the house feels a pain in its heart when Mondays are denounced? After all, those limited hours are their notional holiday.

Throughout the weekend, they suffer listening to constant chatter and bickering. At least in their 20s, the residents loved to go out and try their hand at some supposed YOLO activities. But what happens to them in their mid-30s? They refuse to go out. And instead invite people in. House parties. Urggh. Those are the worst. More people. All of them dropping their cynicism all over the carpet. Each one pretending to know it all. Absolutely convinced that their existence has a purpose. Such conviction from people who can’t flip a dosa in the kitchen or fix an electric fuse.

For the house, Monday morning finally means a few hours of escape. The utensils lie upside down on each other in the cabinet; the couch gets its distorted cheeks massaged; the television and air conditioner meditate and detox. They switch off from the world. Those few hours are the time when the ‘ghar’ enjoys being a ‘makaan’.

As I wrap up this piece, I can see my couch staring at me and miming - This freelancer tribe. Working from home on Mondays as well. It tries to egg me on : “Look what a lovely day outside, the sun.. Ohh the sun.. great for Vitamin D. Bask in it. Maybe you’d see a dog on the way. Go pet. Remember the coffee shop you wanted to visit? What better time than now? As others settle in their offices, visiting a coffee shop will give you an incredible sense of glory of how cool your Monday morning is. After all, that was the grand promise of freelancing, right?”

“No? Really?Urggh”

The couch gives up.